Tag: recovery

help that kills

~ dwc ~ Leave a comment

Some problems need more than a little ‘help’.

During my work for Tearfund NZ, I learned that some forms of ‘help’ can be harmful when it comes to international aid and development. The well-meaning advice or money given to people facing extreme poverty can have unintended effects.

The example I want to reflect on in this post comes again from my fascination with 12-step recovery.

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous outlines (pages 20-21) three kinds of drinkers, the “moderate drinker”, the “hard drinker” and finally the “real alcoholic”. The ‘moderate’ drinker can take or leave alcohol with little or no help, so let’s compare the last two, which both need some form of outside help: the ‘hard drinker’ and the ‘real alcoholic’.

The ‘hard drinker’ is described as having “the habit badly”, possibly impaired “physically and mentally”, and potentially destined “to die a few years before his time.” Despite these rather stark symptoms, the hard drinker can nonetheless “stop or moderate” their drinking if they have “a sufficiently strong reason”. The big book goes on to mention, importantly, that this stopping or moderating may be “difficult and troublesome”, and that they “may even need medical attention.”

So then, a fair amount of ‘help’ can get this ‘hard drinker’ sober. Such things as “change of environment, or the warning of a doctor” or learning life strategies or self-control techniques. Acronyms like H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) can help them ‘think’ their way to not drinking.

The ‘real alcoholic’ is different. They may have been a hard or moderate drinker before, but at some point, they “lose all control”. They do “absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking.” The real alcoholic cannot stop, and cannot stay stopped. All the advice or help from a doctor, loved one, friend or community and all of the ‘good reasons’ to stop do not work.

The hard drinker is in trouble and needs help.
The real alcoholic is insane and needs recovery.

The real alcoholic needs a “deep and effective spiritual experience” (p. 25) to revolutionize their “whole attitude toward life… fellows and… God’s universe.”

For me, this is an example of how all of our problems eventually go as deep as infinity. Our ultimate solution, even if we may find useful help for some problems, is ultimately spiritual.

potential & real sinners

~ dwc ~ Leave a comment

I’m not an alcoholic.
But… I’m a real fan of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The forward to The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (a.k.a. the 12×12) acknowledges that the contents of that book (and AA wisdom more generally) “might arouse interest and find application outside of A.A. itself.” Non-alcoholics who practice the 12 steps report that “they have been able to meet other difficulties of life.” The steps can be “a way to happy and effective living”, regardless of whether one is an alcoholic or not.

drinkers and ‘real alcoholics’

As I look through the AA Big Book and the 12×12 I’m fascinated by a particular distinction made between the “moderate drinker”, the “hard drinker” and the “real alcoholic”. It’s worth quoting directly from the Big Book:

Moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.

Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason—ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor—becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.

But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.

AA Big Book, 20-21

Note the role of reason in restricting the moderate and hard drinker. Merely “good” reason can regulate the moderate drinker, while it takes “sufficiently strong reason” to stop the hard drinker. Both of them can be stopped with reason. Not so with the real alcoholic. The real alcoholic is immune to all reasons to not drink. Sooner or later, regardless of intermittent and temporary experiences of imagined control, it becomes clear even to them that they cannot stop once they start.

What does this have to do with the interest that people like me, who (as far as they know) are not alcoholics, but who find the Steps and the wisdom of AA useful for living? More specifically still, what does it have to do with a Christian focus on kingdom living?

The connection lies in properly understanding the relationship between addiction and sin.

addiction and sin

There are differences between the two. AA suggests not all people are ‘real alcoholics’ as referred to above. Meanwhile, Christianity contends that all are sinners.

But there are similarities.

The sharp distinction AA makes between alcoholics and non-alcoholics does not mean that no common patterns exist when it comes to the human consumption of alcohol. You don’t have to be a ‘real alcoholic’ to really get into real trouble with alcohol. In fact, Part II of the AA Big Book entirely contains stories of “actual or potential alcoholics” who became convinced that “compulsive alcoholism already had them”. They didn’t want alcoholism to progress like cancer to the state of being “malignant… before seeking help.” They “didn’t want to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us”

Meanwhile, with sin, the fact that Christianity places all of humanity in one sinful boat does not mean that everyone experiences sinfulness in exactly the same way all the time. Some people can see their sin and then repent almost immediately. (This is certainly the recommended strategy for life!) Others struggle with it for a while, experience some mild consequences, and then turn around. Others still, like the lost son in Luke 15, waste their whole inheritance and find their entire lives ruined. In the Christian understanding, sin can grow and develop to the point where it becomes addiction. Repeated behaviour (for good or for ill) becomes habitual, ritualistic, automatic and second nature. The wisest path is to “see the bottom” before you hit it. See the destruction that sin can cause and turn around. Seek God’s love and spirit and kingdom.

So then… the parallels are clear.

I am not any kind of alcoholic (that I know of? yet!?), but I know I am not only a potential sinner, but a real one. Just like an alcoholic needs to work a program or die, so also I need to pursue a live of prayer and service or I’ll wreck my life. I need to pursue the grace and spirit and strength of God, just like a “real alcoholic” must seek escape from alcoholism “with all the desperation of drowning men.”

physical, mental & spiritual recovery

~ dwc ~ Leave a comment

Addiction, according to Alcoholics Anonymous, involves three levels

Physical Allergy
Mental Obsession
Spiritual Malady

Looking at those in reverse…

The spiritual malady is about not coping with life. We are ‘restless, irritable and discontent’. We can’t accept life on life’s terms. We are forever wanting to force our way on others, or getting angry because things, people or situations aren’t as we wanted. We can’t cope.

The spiritual malady leads to mental obsession. We brim and stew over how others treated us. We feel the victim. We feel hard done by. Not recognised, not respected, not empowered. We engage in ‘stinking thinking’, feeling the world is against us, and we let it eat us up. And we start wanting an escape.

Spiritual malady and mental obsession give way to the physical allergy. This is about the effect that our drug of choice (alcohol for alcoholics) has on us. Alcohol destroys alcoholics. Drugs kill their users. And so on. The addict, enmeshed in spiritual disease and mental obsession, can’t have ‘just a little bit’ of their drug. They give themselves to it in ways that others don’t.

I’m not an alcoholic, but I relate to this. And I think we all can actually.

At some level, we all wish we ran the world.
At some level, we all stew on how unfair life is.
At some level, we all escape into some ‘drug’.

Even if we don’t engage those ‘drugs’ in compulsive ways, they can still be problematic. And even if we aren’t proper addicts, the reality of addictive tendencies in most or all of us means we can use the wisdom of recovery.

Step 1 deals to the physical allergy
Step 2 deals to the mental obsession
Step 3 deals to the spiritual malady

Step 1 says ‘we were powerless over alcohol’ (or whatever drug). It’s not that alcohol itself is the problem, but the powerlessness over it. It’s the allergic reaction that the drug causes. For the social media user, it’s the endless hours wasted – high quantities of scrolling and low quality of living. Step one is about admitting this. The physical situation isn’t good.

Step 2 says we can ‘be restored to sanity’. It’s not just about behaviour, it’s that we have problems at the mental level. Some level of ‘insanity’ is at work in our thinking. Addict or not, we can get into endless feedback loops, self-fulfilling prophecies and eternal victimhood. Mentally, we are not well.

Step 3 says we ‘turn our will and our lives over the care of God as we understood God’. This is not behaviour modification. This is nothing short of spiritual surrender. My will for my life isn’t working. I need a new plan. I need a new power. I need a new life. More of ‘me’ won’t help.

These are some of the deep parallels between Recovery and Christianity.
Not surprising given the Christian roots of the recovery movement.
These are some of the ways that kingdom flourishing is recovered in our lives.